I carelessly wing the bathroom door open as I approach the urinal I go through the ritualistic motions: undoing my belt, unbuttoning my fly, etc. As I piss I realize this time something is different, midstream I notice the angle of the urinal coupled with the trajectory of my stream and perhaps its velocity is causing piss to splash back onto my shins! I immediately try to maneuver out of this "situation," I shimmy to the left, I shimmy to the right, I swivel my stream around in the bowl, even peed on the scented mat; all to no avail, I had failed. It was already too late, my calves had been coated.
I don't know if this urinal does this to all of us, one would imagine there would be some physical explanation behind this, some way to prevent it but perhaps it was a metaphysical situation. A non coincidental occurrence between me and that porcelain god that day, a regular manifest destiny for my urine to explore the landscape of my uncovered legs.
Defeated, I stared at the pisspot momentarily overcome with an urge to deface it, to leave soRme sort of warning for those who will inevitably come after me seeking relief, to scrawl something along the lines of WATCH OUT or LEG HAI: BEWARE! across the basin. Though I did nothing, I received the blunt end of my own piss stream and let the culprit shamelessly get away with it. The worst part is there is no one really to complain to about this phenomena. Not a soul to confide in about this humiliating experiment in self depreciation. No one except you, internet, thanks.
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